My wife is addicted to the gym and it’s ruining our marriage (New Update) - r/BestofRedditorUpdates (2024)

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Other_Salt3889

My wife is addicted to the gym and it’s ruining our marriage

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest & r/survivinginfidelity

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Editor's Note: removed previous relevant comments for space

TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, physical violence, anger management issues

Original Post Feb 1, 2024

My wife is 30 years old and she’s always worked out and been in shape, but lately I feel like it’s becoming excessive.

She used to regularly work out at a gym when she was in college. At some point she stopped going to the gym, I think lately just due to her schedule, and preferred to work out at home or go for runs outside.

About 18 months ago she announced she was going to get back into the habit of going to the gym. She now had a job where she’s able to make more time for it. It started off normal, but slowly became more and more frequent. She signed up for classes on the weekend (both days), she started going to the gym every day, then it became the morning before work and then again later in the evening. Every single day. If she’s stressed, she goes to the gym. Experience some sort of life crisis. She immediately heads to the gym. We have an argument - runs to the gym.

She’s 4 months pregnant right now. I’m kind of surprised we even had time to make a kid. I understand that it’s safe for her to work out, especially since she was already in the habit of doing it before she got pregnant, but the intensity is not slowing down.

If she misses one of her normal gym session she becomes so irritable, like a junkie not getting her fix. It’s just bizarre. Truly a case of too much of a good thing.

Of course she gets upset when I voice that I feel it’s becoming an unhealthy obsession and that I miss spending time with her because she’s there so much. She has all of these friends and this whole circle of people there that she seems to prefer spending time with over me. Why don’t we work out together at the gym? The gym is her time, she says. This isn’t a case of me feeling insecure because she’s in great physical shape and I’m a fat slob. I work out and am in shape - my job really requires me to stay in shape so I can’t let myself go if I want to.

I genuinely feel her gym habits are unhealthy. She’s over exercising, for one. There is such a thing. But worse than that, I feel it’s becoming a way for her to escape everything else in her life. She never actually fixed anything that goes wrong in her life. She just runs off to the gym to get some sort of mood boost and then that’s it. She also never gets anything else done in a practical sense because how can she when she’s at the gym so often? It’s to the point where I have to do every chore and if food is getting made I’m going to have to do it. I don’t expect her to do all of those things, but it should at least be a shared effort.

People we know have even commented about it to me. They’ve said things about how she seems different, how she “sure is at the gym a lot,” and many of her friends and family barely see her anymore. Some have even suggested she’s having an affair with somebody there.

Please tell me that this doesn’t sound normal to you. She insists this is perfectly normal.

Update Feb 11, 2024

I posted not very long ago about my wife’s addiction to the gym. A compulsion, if you will. She spends most of her free time there. She often goes twice a day, and sometimes even 3 times if we have a fight at night and she needs to run off instead of actually talking to me.

She won’t let me go to her gym and she refuses to go to mine. Her gym is her place, my gym is my place, and that’s just the way it has to be according to her. I’d love to have her come along with me. I’ve invited her multiple times.

She’s about 18 weeks pregnant right now. This is our first baby. She worked out like crazy prior to the pregnancy and she continues to just as hard now.

I truly didn’t think she was cheating on me. People suggested it in the last thread and I laughed. You can tell she’s at the gym a lot, she’s in great shape. So she’s obviously going there. I felt really confident about the cheating issue and when I posted 9 days ago I wasn’t even considering cheating.

I’m embarrassed to admit that after reading a lot of the comments on my last post, I thought maybe I was being overly confident about her fidelity. She usually always has her phone on her, but she left it in the kitchen counter and as stupid as I felt, I decided to do a quick swipe through her texts. She had a current text conversation going on with a guy. I recognized the name. The same name of a guy from the gym she mentions a lot. She’s friends with a lot of people there, went to one of their weddings last fall. I wasn’t too terribly concerned until I started reading the texts. Never wanted to know what the guy’s dick looked like, but I know now.

She was only out of the room for literally about a minute or two, so I had to scroll fast. I was furious. I asked her what the f*ck that conversation was about. She started yelling at me for looking at her phone. I told her she’s acting so weird and the gym obsession was really bothering me so I just decided to look, and was ashamed that I did, but that’s I thought I’d find nothing all. She said “it’s nothing! It’s nothing!” Didn’t look like nothing to me. She sure seemed pretty interested in this “nothing.” I wanted to know if she’s been f*cking him. For how long? She kept saying no. I left the house because I was so furious, but not before I slammed her phone on the ground and shattered it. She was calling me all sorts of names for breaking her phone. She hit me on the back as hard as she could. I left. Went to my brother’s house. My brother and sister in law were shocked, although my sister in law was one of the most vocal ones about my wife’s gym obsession being weird and bringing it up to me constantly.

I went home. She was in bed crying. She obviously couldn’t call me or anyone else for that matter. She was laying it on thick, “I don’t know if you’d ever come home.” Give me a break.

I took her phone to get repaired tonight. She doesn’t deserve it but I still feel like an ass breaking her phone.

I still don’t know how deep it goes. She won’t admit to anything beyond what I saw. Was it sexting (bad enough) or more? I’m convinced it was a lot more, but she refuses to hand over her phone and is now trying to act like I’m this terrible monster who is abusing her because I broke her phone. Not my proudest moment, but I honestly wanted to body slam her after she punched me. I have never and would never actually touch her like that.

Update 2 - My wife admitted to an affair Feb 12, 2024

Not sure if posting something in my profile will be seen by anyone, but I don’t feel like making another update in a subreddit.

Today my wife asked me to stay home from work so we could “talk.” She laid in bed all day yesterday trying to get me to feel sorry for her, but I paid absolutely no attention to her and ended up leaving the house to go to my family’s Super Bowl party. I wasn’t in the mood to go but I wasn’t going to sit at home with her. It really bothered her that I left. She kept texting me things like “Who just leaves like that? When something like this is happening, who is that cold and callous that they just leave to go to a party.”

I stayed home today to talk to her. She was full of tears, she’s “so sorry.”

According to her, she really was going to the gym twice a day because she likes going there, that’s where her friends are, makes her feel good, it’s “fun” for her. She met this guy there and he started flirting with her. Everyone likes him. He’s one of the most popular guys there. I didn’t realize there were popular people at gyms.

She admitted that she flirted back but didn’t mean anything by it. She didn’t reciprocate very much at first, but he gave her “butterflies” and she just found herself flirting back without thinking. She said it felt like when she had a crush on somebody when she was in school when she was younger. They started texting. At first it was just friendly and nothing sexual for several months, but she’d feel giddy every time she got a message from him. She was really attracted to him, but told him that she was married and there could never actually be anything between them.

According to her, he kept flirting with her anyway and said “sure, we won’t cross the line.” Until they did cross the line. She said she had tried to resist it for a while, but then one day they kissed. She admitted to enjoying it but also feeling that it was wrong. She must not have felt that bad because she slept with him for the first time later that night.

She described it like falling in love with somebody for the first time. All she could think about what him. Is she in love with him? She doesn’t know.

Is this baby mine? She thinks so but there’s always a small chance it could be his. He always uses a condom so she doesn’t think it’s his baby but they were sleeping together at the time she got pregnant.

She loves me. She can’t help that there’s just this huge spark between the two of them.

She doesn’t know if she loves him. She doesn’t know if the baby is mine. She doesn’t know why she did this. She doesn’t know what she thinks we should do.

The nail in the coffin is when she said “You would really leave me if it’s not your baby would you?” She had the balls to ask me that. I told her of course I’m leaving her and I wouldn’t raise another man’s child. She seemed shocked. She said “really? With everything we have and all our history, you wouldn’t even consider it?” She can’t be serious. I told her no I would never consider it.

She agreed to get a DNA test. She tearfully agreed, like I’m supposed to feel sorry for her about it?

I don’t know who this woman is. She was crying the whole time, but not tears of an ashamed or sorry person. They were tears for herself and meant to try to make me feel bad. Feel bad for what? That her heart is apparently so torn?

My wife is moving in with her AP, they’re “in love” Feb 22, 2024

My life has been reduced to a trashy daytime talk show.

The woman who was once my wife, who I considered a classy woman, has turned into complete trailer trash.

Today she announced that she’s moving in with her affair partner from the gym. She’s pregnant, might be his kid, might be mine. She’s too embarrassed to go get blood drawn for a paternity test.

She spent about a week trying to get my attention, to get me to talk to her, to get me to beg her to be mine. I didn’t fall for any of it. I’ve largely been ignoring her and when we have to speak I keep it very brief. We’ve been living together this whole time, but I’m in a different room now and functioning separate from her in all ways.

So, her pouting and trying to get me to pay attention to her and give her a gold star for not going to the gym for 5 days in a row didn’t work. Today she texted me to say she is moving in with him.

Somehow I still care about this person. I’ve already met with a lawyer though. I can care about her as a human being and possible mother of my child without being married to her. Still, it stung to hear her say she was going to be with him. I told her it wasn’t a smart move to leave the house. I’ve even told her she should probably meet with a lawyer. She doesn’t care about anything I have to say. I don’t think she needs to move in with anybody. I actually feel bad for her that she can’t just be on her own.

I asked her if he actually knew she was pregnant and wanted to know what story she’s been telling him this whole time. She said he knows and he doesn’t care if it’s my baby, he loves her and wants to be with her. Bizarre. You can’t find anyone else? Somebody who isn’t a married, pregnant woman? Why would you take that on? Doesn’t make sense to me. He’s scum but he’s good looking scum who apparently is gainfully employed and owns his own home, so you can’t tell me that my married, pregnant wife is your only option here. I just can’t imagine being a single guy like that and wanting to put up with this baggage when I could have other options.

And if this really is my baby then what? They’ll live with my wife and this weasel 50% of the time?

I don’t know how my life turned into this mess. And she thinks it’s embarrassing to have to go get blood drawn?!?!

My wife has agreed to a paternity test Feb 29, 2024

My wife moved in with her AP last weekend. She didn’t take very much at all. Most of her stuff is still in our house. I still get the feeling she was just waiting for me to beg her to come home, but I didn’t reach out to her at all after she left.

It was a strange mixture of relief, anger, and sadness. I don’t think I ate at all until last night. Just never felt hungry. Drank a little too much. But I’m fine.

I’m posting this update because I’ve received a ton of messages from people and honestly it’s emotionally draining to respond to each one and to have to type the same stuff out. I just don’t feel like talking about her that much.

So this morning she texted me to say her AP wants to get a DNA test done, so she’s going to do it. Look at that, didn’t matter when I wanted one but now that he has requested it she suddenly thinks it’s a great idea. She asked if I wanted to submit a sample because it’ll be cheaper to have 2 dads tested as part of one package. I don’t even care about the cost at this point, I just want an answer.

I don’t have to see or interact with them at all. I just have to make my own appointment with the lab to get my cheek swabbed. So this Saturday I’m going to do that and we should have the results within a week.

I’ll take what I can get at this point because it’s better than her dragging this out for another 20 weeks.

So that’s it. I’m fine. I’m going to work every day. Trying to function. Just feel stuck in limbo. I miss her. Honestly, I hate that she’s there with him. It makes me sick. Part of me does want to beg her to come home. It’ll be even worse if I find out that it’s my baby and she’s there with him. Unless he drops her at that news. I won’t let myself beg her. I won’t play any of those games with her.

RELEVANT COMMENTS/UPDATES

March 8, 2024

TTIsurvivors

Have you gotten the paternity test results?

OOP

At 11:00 this morning I got the news that I’m the father. I feel incredibly conflicted right now.

And update on my wife’s affair and pregnancy March 15, 2024

My wife has been having an affair with a guy she met at the gym for at least nearly a year. She’s around 22 weeks pregnant right now. She was somewhere around 17 weeks when I discovered she was cheating. She maintained that she was positive I was the father, but then refused to get a paternity test done to ease my mind.

We recently had a paternity test done (at the request of her affair partner) and it proves the baby is mine. It’s been very mixed emotions for me, very up and down. Originally I thought I just wanted to be completely done with her and not have any lifelong ties in the form of a full blown human being we shared, but I was sort of happy or relieved when I got the results. I’d already had it in my mind that I was going to be a father for months before I found out she was cheating. Sometimes I just have moments where I can’t believe this is my life, that this is the situation that my kid will be born into and I hate her for it.

She’s still living with him. All of her belongings are still here in our house. I refuse to do the work of packing everything up for her. She doesn’t seem concerned about taking any her things, beyond the essentials.

After we got the news that I’m the baby’s father, she texted me to say she’s glad I’m the father and that she knows I’ll be a great dad. She was texting me new baby name ideas last night. She’s tried calling but I ignore the calls. I only speak with her via text. This morning she asked if she could come by and get a few things. I told her it was fine, as I’ve been advised by my lawyer to not prevent her entry from the home, but I told her that he better not be with her.

So who shows up with her? The scumbag boyfriend. He walks right on into the house behind her like it’s no big deal. She ran upstairs to get the stuff she wanted and he and I were just left standing there in the living room. He told me it wasn’t her fault that he was there. She told him I didn’t want come but he forced his way along. He wanted to talk to me, supposedly, to tell me he “understand how I must be feeling.” No, you don’t know. He told me he knows I probably don’t believe him, but he genuinely loves her and knew he probably wasn’t the father. He accepts it and then tried to assure me he won’t try to take my place with the baby and hopes we can just get along since we’re both going to be in her life now. He “promises” that she’s fine, he’s looking after her. I told him that I couldn’t for the life of me imagine what he wanted with a pregnant woman who is having another man’s child, that I found it weird. Then I told him if he didn’t get out of my house I’d punch him. I went upstairs and she was trying to find somebody things in the bathroom. I got mad, asked her why she brought him along, and told her I find it really strange that he still wants to be with her now that he knows he has nothing to do with this baby - and that I refuse to let him have anything to do with my child. She said he talked her into coming and she’s sorry and never meant for any of this to happen but she’s in love with him now. He is supposedly what 30 year old her is looking for, not me. She’s setting up a nursery in his house and I can set one up at my house and she has no intention of trying to get full custody or anything like that. She doesn’t want to keep me from being involved in my child’s life. How generous of her.

She went back downstairs and I followed her and he was still standing there in the living room and I just walked up to him and punched him. He stumped back and fall into a table. She yelled “What the f*ck?!” and ran over to him. I don’t even care at this point. As if he’s going to call the cops? He deserved it and it wouldn’t have happened had he just left like I told him to.

Several hours later she texted me to say she was sorry about today. He really meant what he said and he’s actually a good guy and he cares about her and he respect me. Wtf? He respects me?! He was screwing my wife in the gym locker room! I was like you can’t be serious. She said “Fine! I’m trying to have a mature conversation about this. I can’t help that we fell in love. Believe it or not, I’m not trying to hurt you and I want everything to be amicable.”

This guy stole my wife and he’s stealing my kid too. Sure I’m the actual father but now they’re setting up a nursery together in his house? I’ve tried to not feel jealous or sad. I’ve tried to maintain the thought that he’s the trash man who picked up my garbage. Sometimes I feel that way, but the truth is that I loved her, and still love her. I don’t want to stay married to her on principle alone, but this is devastating to me.

Another installment of the implosion which is my marriage Apr 10, 2024

My wife? is basically 26 weeks pregnant now.

There actually hasn’t been much drama with her and her AP. I was away for a long weekend last week and it was nice to just get away from home for a while.

Only really annoying thing that’s happened is that I told her I’m being in the delivery room, not him. After everything she’s done, she owes me that. It’s not his baby. He has no right or reason to be there. I will not be the one waiting outside when my kid is being born.

She said yeah she agreed and she never planned to have him in there with her. I asked her if she’d told him that and she said no. I told her to tell him he’ll have no part in it. Well she told him and apparently he didn’t like that and he started trying to convince her why he should be there. Next thing I know she’s telling me that he really wants to be there and she’s the one giving birth so she should be able to say who she wants there and she wants him there. I suppose he’ll start making name suggestions soon and will try to overrule names we’ve had picked out for our future kids for years.

We’ve talked a little bit and she told me I can have our house and the dog in our divorce. I’m requesting that we sell the house and split the profit. I already that written in the paperwork. I’m not buying her out of our house - a house that I’ve made all the payments on anyway. I have a much better credit score than her and less debt. I compromised a lot because she liked this house. I’d rather be able to get my own place based just on what I want and with no reminders of her. And there was already no way she was getting the dog. I already had proof that I “owned” him though so she wouldn’t really stand a chance of having a court award the dog to her. It’s the one thing I told my lawyer I wanted above everything else (not including any custody issues surrounding my actual human child). Honestly, her AP can have her, but he will never ever have my dog. Not to mention my dog is 100 times more loyal than my wife and some might even say better looking too.

So with the idea I won’t be living here in this house for much longer after the baby is born (if everything moves quickly), I decided I will still prepare a nursery here anyway in case anyone wants to try to accuse me of not being invested/prepared for fatherhood. I’m trying to look at the positives. It doesn’t matter what colors she likes or what themes. I can do whatever I want. Honestly, we’ve been together for so long and have lived together for most of our adult lives. It sort of nice not living with somebody but sort of lonely too. I have friends and family, but it’s hard to feel in the mood to go out or hang out with people too often. They always ask me about everything that’s going on and it’s just like I’m tired of that being the topic of conversation.

I got a promotion at work, which financially would have been better had it happened after the divorce, but I’ll take what I can get.

I feel like I’m living in this limbo right now and a lot of what I do is always framed around “how will this affect me in the divorce?”

Admittedly I spy on them on social media sometimes. Guess I’m hoping to see he’s been in a motorcycle accident or something now that the weather is nicer. Hasn’t happened yet, but he’s starting a new company and once that’s up and running I can always get all my friends and family to leave 1 star reviews everywhere. Have to find ways to have a little fun.

Sorry that I don’t respond to a lot of messages or comments. Sometimes I just take big breaks from looking at Reddit since it can be depressing af.

Editing to add something I forgot. She told her family that we’ve split up and that she’s with this other guy now. Her sister reached out to me to say how sorry she was, her sister is a dumbass, that sort of thing. She told me that my wife was complaining about her AP. She the sex is over when he’s done and apparently he’s really selfish with sex. He doesn’t do extra little things for her that she’s used to me doing, like clearing the snow off her car in the morning and heating it up or offering to make her food after a long day. He doesn’t speak her “love language” and he hangs out with his friends too much. This made me so happy to hear. She’s secretly miserable and I find that absolutely delightful.

I’m still alive May 19, 2024

I’m still alive. I’m mainly posting here because several people have reached out to me and were concerned that I’d taken my own life. No, I’m not on the brink of ending my life. I think I’m doing better than I have since all of this started.

Around the time of my last post, my story blew up and I was getting messages from people who saw it on TikTok and YouTube. I had to take a step back because it was a little overwhelming. I have over 100 unread messages here. I appreciate it but it was a little uncomfortable at the time, and I got to the point where I didn’t really want to talk about the situation with my wife and her AP anymore.

So as of today, our baby is due in less than 10 weeks. We’re in the home stretch now. I don’t feel prepared at all. All of this other stuff has just been so distracting.

I started working on a nursery. It’s not done yet, but I have the floor finished and the walls painted. My ex-wife was impressed with the color scheme and furniture I chose. She’s not legally my ex-wife yet but I’ve started calling her that. It sort of makes it easier.

I also packed up a bunch of her stuff. Originally I refused to spend my time packing up her things, but eventually just said screw it and started packing it. I’m at the point where it’ll just be easier to not see all of her stuff around here. Why did I leave it for so long?

She came over to get some of the boxes I packed up. She came alone. Things were fine between us. I loaded the stuff into her car. We didn’t argue. At one point she started to tear up and said she f*cked up. I said yeah she did, but there’s no point talking about it now. She sh*t all over our marriage. She has her muscle bound asshole to go home to now anyway so who cares. She said “I know, but it’s not the same.” I told her nothing has been the same since she decided to f*ck him the first time.

Supposedly he’s going to “let” me be in the delivery room when my baby is born. I didn’t even argue it when she said it like that, but inside I was boiling at the idea of him letting me be there for the birth of my child. She says she talked to him and he agreed it wouldn’t really be right to not allow me to be there. I’m going to take what I can get if it means being there for the birth of my child. I’m going to try to just ignore him for the time being. She was acting all sweet and laying on all of the “I really want you there. I really need you there” stuff and I know mentally I’m not in a place to be that cold to her when she starts acting that way. I’m trying to be indifferent more than anything else but it’s so hard when she’s actually around and starts looking at me a certain way and making me feel bad. She invited me over to see the nursery they have set up at his house. I’m not sure I can bring myself to go into another man’s house and look at the nursery set up for my kid.

I did ask her if she was truly safe there though. I don’t know why, it’s just been bothering me. As pissed as I still am, I don’t want to find out he’s mistreating her and I definitely don’t want my kid to be going into an unsafe household. I haven’t told her about anything her sister has told me. They probably won’t last but as of right now there’s a very good chance my newborn baby will be going home to his house. It kills me to think about. It’s almost soul destroying to think about if I dwell on it too long.

She says she’s fine. He genuinely loves her. He’s great with kids. He accepts that she’s having a baby and that this is part of the package. She insists it’s not weird because she wasn’t pregnant when anything started between them.

I asked her why she did it…why did she ever let anything start between them in the first place. She said “I don’t know.” Then went into “I don’t want to talk about this” mode and left pretty soon after. Typical behavior from her - just run away.

Overall I’m doing ok. I’m not sitting here depressed and drinking a bottle of scotch every night anymore. I mean on occasion, but for the most part no. I feel more used to my new normal now, and that’ll all change yet again pretty soon.

ADDITIONAL INFO

There is a draft of a custody plan now, but the court won’t approve anything until after the baby is born. Right now she’s in agreement but there’s plenty of time for her to change her mind (or for him to convince her to change her mind).

She plans to breastfeed, but with agreement that she’ll pump and the baby can drink from a bottle when not with mom. Everything I’ve read says a baby ideally needs to spend time with each parent frequently, without gaps that are too long in between, and it’s best if each parent is feeding, changing, bathing, etc. during their time. At this time she’s in agreement with all of this. I can say that she’s not said or done anything to indicate she wants to restrict my time with the baby, other than the whole delivery room thing. She seems to want me to be involved in that respect. I hope she sticks to her word. If not, I will be fighting it through legal means.

NEW UPDATE

I’m a dad July 2, 2024

I have a baby. A little girl. I’m a dad. She was born yesterday at 11:57 pm, 2 weeks early.

As he’s done before, she was having some pains off and on and he left for work yesterday morning. She works from home on Mondays. She told me around 8:30 am she was having contractions 17 minutes apart. The same thing happened not long ago but then by evening all the pains stopped. I was at work so I told her to keep me posted. A little later she said they were 15 minutes apart and she had some other signs it might be actual labor starting.

I asked her if she needed somebody there with her. She said wanted me to come be with her. I didn’t even mean to volunteer myself. She was scared. I didn’t even ask why she didn’t call him. I left work and went over to his house. Uncomfortable doesn’t begin to describe it but there were obviously more important things going on. He wasn’t there. She didn’t even contact him. She said she just wanted it to be me and her there. In her words, he hadn’t seen her pee or sh*t herself yet but I’ve witnessed all of that stuff already so she was more comfortable with me there.

I really tried to be as nice and supportive as possible. Set the whole thing about her affair, our marriage, everything to the side for a brief time. I don’t really know what my purpose was being there but I think she just needed somebody there so she didn’t feel alone. She spent most of the time stretching and doing some sort of yoga labor routine and bouncing on this huge exercise ball. I twiddled my thumbs for the most part and looked through a bunch of his belongings.

I was timing the contractions and they were consistent and slowly did get closer together, so I thought it was probably actually going to happen. It wasn’t nearly far enough along to go to the hospital yet and it was getting close to when he’d get home. I was planning how I’d handle that when she called me into the bathroom to ask her if I thought her water broke. It wasn’t like in the movies with this huge gush of water.

So he got home and I was there. He came into the house and the first thing he asked is “what are you doing here?!” I think he thought something else was going on. No, you just left and went to work and left her alone when she was scared.

He said he was home and he’d be with her until it was time to go to the hospital. He put his hand on my shoulder and said something like “thanks, bud…I got it from here and we’ll call you when we’re on the way to the hospital.” He called me bud. I told him I wasn’t his f*cking buddy and to f*ck off.

I could tell she wanted me to leave. I’m not sure she really wanted me to leave so much as she was in labor and the tension between the two of us wasn’t what she needed and I knew that. It was his house so what was I supposed to do? I left and prayed they’d actually call me instead of letting me know the next day that my kid had been born.

She texted me a few hours later to say the doctor told her to go to the hospital. At that point I still didn’t know if I was going to be waiting outside or what he’d decide was best for his apparent wife and child.

I was allowed to be in the room. I didn’t force my way in there. She said she wanted me to be there. He was there too. By far the single most awkward experience of my life and the only reason I was able to excuse it was because she told me she wanted me there and I didn’t want to miss the chance to be there when my kid was born and to hold my kid before he did. I can’t imagine what the doctors and nurses were thinking. f*cking humiliating. Then the guy tried to police what I could see. I put the baby in there! He’s f*cking watching and it’s like this is still my wife and that’s my baby. I chose to stay dignified and I ignored him the entire time. I was there to do whatever she told me to do and my focus wasn’t on him, but in any other setting I don’t think I would have been able to hold back.

The baby came flying out. I mean, as far as labor goes. These are the nurses’ words and I trust labor and delivery nurses to know what they’re talking about. She tore very bad because the baby came out so fast. The baby is so tiny, barely 6 pounds and only 18 inches, but perfectly healthy.

I went home for a short rest although I really couldn’t rest at all. I went back today and of course he was there. Surprisingly he said he was going to give us some time alone with the baby. Not sure if she had previously asked him to do that when I showed up or not, didn’t ask. He even brought us all food back when he returned a few hours later. I wondered if mine might be poisoned but I tried to be nice. He’s still not gone so I’m wondering how long he’ll be around. I just can’t let myself do anything that will make her try to keep me away from my daughter now. I don’t want them making it difficult for me.

I’d prefer not to share her name publicly but I can confirm it’s the name we chose for a daughter years ago. He had no say and he hasn’t said anything about the name at all. It kills me to see him holding her though.

I eventually left because it was just too much sitting there pretending to be like some bizarre three’s company. I’ll know I will get my time with her when he’s not around.

He’s already posting them on his social media. I don’t know how I’m going to do this but I’m going to figure it out. I just have to find a way to be the bigger person because I won’t let him or their relationship discourage me from being my daughter’s dad. I totally get doing anything for your kids now and if it means having to pretend to get along with him, I will

RELEVANT/ADDITIONAL COMMENTS FROM OOP

It’s not about pick me. I just have a hard time not caring about her anymore. The fact that she was carrying my child made it a lot more difficult. Otherwise, I could have and would have cut all ties with her. I don’t know, still feel the need to protect her or help her. Hopefully it’ll get easier now that she and the baby are two separate people.

Honestly, I’m considering doing something pretty stupid. She’s getting discharged from the hospital early tomorrow morning. I don’t want them to go home with him, so thinking about asking her to come home to our house instead. It’s ridiculous and setting us up for disaster. It wouldn’t be to be with her. I don’t want my newborn baby going home to another man’s house. I don’t think it’s for the baby’s sake that I want to stop it. It’s be for my sake. But it’s not like we’d be divorced and living together forever. So, we’d live together for some period of time but eventually we’d go our separate ways, date other people, and so on. I can’t trust her again. That would probably be worse for our kid in the long run. At least by being in 2 separate homes in the first place this will just be the norm for her and she won’t have to go through that heartache of being one family splitting into 2. I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle seeing my child going home from the hospital to his house. I’m honestly scared to be present when they’re discharged because I’m not sure I can control myself.

~

I caved and I asked her to come home with me when they was discharged from the hospital.

I framed it more like “if you don’t want to go home with him, you don’t have to.” I let her know she could come home to our house if she wanted to.

She said she can’t.

Why?

Because he’s done so much for her. He moved her into his house. They have a whole nursery set up. He loves her. I don’t love her anymore after what she did (her words), but he loves her and accepts her even with the baby. She thinks she’ll never find anyone who will love her and love our baby too so she can’t risk losing him.

I tried to tell her she doesn’t owe him anything. Just because he let her move in and there’s a nursery there doesn’t mean she’s indebted to him, especially not when it comes to something this big.

She said “I want to, but I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

I left. I told her I couldn’t sit there and watch the get into his car and go to his house. As a consolation I got a “you can come over and see her tomorrow.” Great.

I know she did this. This is all her doing. But why am I the one feeling like I failed. This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t immediately shut her out. I basically just pushed her to him.

OOP on the AP posting pictures of the baby online

Today I told him he can’t post pictures of her online. He said he was just posting a few pictures to say how proud and happy he was of MY wife, wasn’t weird. I said he can post her all he wants but he can’t post the baby. He didn’t seem to be taking it seriously so I told him I know he wishes he’d won this one, but he didn’t. She’s my kid, not his. If he’s genuine about being all buddy buddy and respecting me as the actual father, he’ll respect my request. He said ok, he understood. We’ll see.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

My wife is addicted to the gym and it’s ruining our marriage (New Update) - r/BestofRedditorUpdates (2024)
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